“ The problem is that you don’t just choose recovery. You have to keep choosing recovery, over and over and over again. You have to make that choice 5-6 times each day. You have to make that choice even when you really don’t want to. It’s not a single choice, and it’s not easy. ”
I cannot even explain how accurate this is.
They practically give you medals for starving yourself down by a hundred pounds, but nobody says shit on the 365th consecutive day of eating more than 700 calories.
And that shit? That shit is way harder … not hating yourself, not starving yourself, not hurting yourself, is harder than doing it was, after it became a comfortable habit.
Because you are trying to break the habits that your fear and self-loathing got you into, and doing all these anxiety provoking things — eating, just EATING, becomes this emotionally fraught field of landmines — while experiencing all the anxiety and fear that your harmful behaviors were staving off. It’s so hard.
For everyone in recovery today, whether you made better choices that helped you on that road, or set you back, or merely didn’t lose ground, I am proud of you for doing what you have done to try to get to a better place, and I believe in you. You can do this.